Marriage counselling

“Honey, are we compatible enough?”

Are couples with similar tastes or compatible personalities more likely to enjoy marital success than their “mismatched” counterparts? This is the question researcher Justine Lorange has set out to answer in her doctoral thesis for the Department of Psychology at the Université de Montréal. “For a long time marriage counselling specialists have explored the issue of spousal compatibility,” she explains. “Instinctively, they believe that compatibility is the basis for harmony between two people. However, besides a couple of not very reliable studies, no significant scientific study has been undertaken on this question.”

With the participation of over 200 couples recruited at the  Poitras-Wright-Côté clinic in Longueuil, a clinic specialized in marriage counselling, the major issues confronting life as a couple are explored in depth. For example, the respondents must assess, on a scale of 1 (always agree) to 6 (always disagree), their satisfaction with respect to demonstrations of affection, social conventions, friends, parents-in-law and intimacy. They are also asked to indicate their compatibility in the areas of sports, religion and money. Sexual relations are addressed in a separate questionnaire. Couples must also explore their differences of opinion and significant events in their life as a couple: how often do they have a stimulating exchange of ideas? Laugh together? Have a calm discussion? Work together on something? Frequency ranges from “never” to “more than once a day.”

The questionnaires used are tools that have been proven in psychology, states Ms Lorange. In the general questionnaire (referred to as the “Neo test” by specialists), distributed before and after marriage counselling, there are several factors that affect personality: openness, conscience, extraversion, kindness and neuroticism. A questionnaire on experiences of love is used to determine four types of attachments: reassuring, timid, detached and preoccupied. “Our research will try to analyze as many variables as possible,” she states. The particularly innovative aspect of Ms Lorange’s approach is to integrate elements like personality and attachment to the list of components of compatibility.

Some 30 couples have participated in the research so far. Given their enthusiasm, Ms Lorange is confident that her sample of 200 couples will be established over the next year. Is she in for any surprises? Everyone knows couples that have diametrically opposed character traits but are nevertheless very loving. “It’s possible. But we may be in for other types of surprises as well. For example, spouses who appear to be distinctly different but, in private, are more compatible than they appear. This is what we will determine in analyzing our questionnaires,” says Ms Lorange.

Intuitively, the aspiring psychologist believes that spousal compatibility is an asset. “Satisfaction in the life of a couple can have many facets. But it seems that compatibility is a very important element, particularly when facing difficult situations.”

However, even the most “compatible” couples carefully guard their secrets. Ms Lorange has noticed that couples keep their questionnaires confidential, and complete them individually. “Most couples do not share their answers. It’s a private affair,” says Ms Lorange.